UnAfrica Africa (Cape Town, South Africa)

Ok, ok, enough guilt, I get it, I'm behind. I'm sorry. I'll catch you up...

Weeks ago now, I went to the fortress that is the US Embassy in Maputo and they let me read all kinds of propaganda on the wonders of the American government while they added pages to my passport free of charge. It was quite a thrill. The rest of my days in Maputo were spent with Swedish boys - wandering the city, looking at hundreds of poorly taxidermied animals and elephant fetuses in formaldehyde at the Natural History Museum, and checking out awesome modern art made from the massive surplus of weapons left over from years of civil war. I liked Maputo.

From there I went to Swaziland which is a little mini-country at the edge of South Africa. It's mostly exceptionally poor and rural, but South Africa paid for the border post so it looks like some sort of fancy lodge and I could tell even just crossing out of Mozambique that things were about to change. In Swaziland I stayed at a backpackers built on a pretty farm with clean delicious sheets and bathrooms and a swimming pool. After many weeks of thatched natural materials and regular loss of power, I mean, drinkable tap water? Wow. Without transport however it's a bit tough to get out and see the are and the people so I did what I had to do. I went quad-biking. Yes, quad-biking. Yes, those loud 4-wheeled things you see towed behind every unnecessary SUV on your way to hike or camp all summer. Yes, those. Yes, ME on THOSE. But it was great. It was me and a guide and two 18 year-old English boys. We spent all day riding through the hillsides and stopping off at various farms for tea and lunch with different Swazi families and their precious children. We swam in a waterfall, we visited with a traditional healer who believes God chose him to treat the sick with traditional herbs, a cross in a bottle, and some dice, and best of all, I didn't crash and die. It was great.

From there I used a ticket I inherited for the infamous Baz Bus (the cheesy safe backpacker bus everyone and their mother uses to get around South Africa) to get to Johannesburg. By the time I got there I had acquired a very fun and still-going usually mild unspecific illness involving nausea, spontaneous vomiting, and intermittent stabbing abdominal pain. Due to health issues I spent Joburg essentially in bed and/or hobbling around the nearby glitzy mall with my Kiwi friend Victoria who tore ligaments in her foot and was all for hobbling. The mall itself and the grocery store within it both provided massive culture shock. I was disappointed to miss visiting Soweto, but besides that Joburg is a tough as a tourist due to safety anyway so I didn't really miss too much supposedly.

From Joburg I flew to Cape Town and have spent the last week hanging out here remembering what the first world is really like. The city is smashed between beautiful flat-topped Table Mountain and lovely ocean and it's absolutely gorgeous. It is in absolutely no way "Africa" except maybe for the fact that truck beds are still allowed to be filled with building supplies AND as many people as fit, but otherwise it feels like San Fran or Portland or some other pretty watery American town with coffee shops and sidewalks and fancy restaurants and hip bars and trendy clothing stores and the whole bit. If you could adjust to living within barbed wire and electric fencing and the knowledge that you may be mugged at any moment in broad daylight, it would be a really great place to live. One day I went to Robben Island where Mandela was imprisoned and puked off the back of the boat which was cute. Then I ran into Dave and Patrick, my friends from Malawi, and since it was pouring rain and I'd already been to see the Picasso in Africa exhibit and to the Slave Lodge museum, we went to a movie. A movie! We found a movie theatre called "Labia", yes "Labia" and if you can figure out a convincing alternate pronunciation please let us know, playing only really good new movies I've been dying to see. That time we saw "The Matador" because it was what was playing and enjoyed it thoroughly. Two days later in more torrential rain Patrick and I went back to see "Syriana". Then another two days later after my visit with a Indian South African doctor in an E.R. of a nearby clinic who kindly informed me that I have neither Malaria nor Appendicitis, but in no physical state to manage anything else, I went back alone to watch "Brokeback Mountain". Cinematic overkill you ask? Nope. A stellar week. Between movies I found time to visit the spectacular Cape of Good Hope, the top of Table Mountain, and the miles and miles of desperate Townships. It's been a lovely little vacation, but I'm ready to go board a plane back to Joburg to see my dad and go to Botswana! Miss you all. More from Argentina....